Osheaga 2016



My fifth time at Osheaga was coming up. The night before, I had my outfit planned and that was it. The morning of July 30th – aka Day 2 – all those plans flew out the window. You see, this isn’t just a music festival. It’s also a fashion forum. I tried on outfit after outfit. I couldn’t wear this or that. I had a huge bruise on my thigh which prevented me from using my originally planned outfit. Eventually, I settled on jean shorts, a tank, and a granny crocheted sweater (more like a t-shirt though).

Then it was time for my hair, which never cooperates. Luckily, it wasn’t going to be humid. So I straightened it, pulled the front half back into a braid and left it like that until I got to the festival, where I then put it all into a ponytail because my neck was hot.

So I was ready. I may not be the most fashionable lady, but I reminded myself it is as much about comfort as it is fashion and felt a bit better. I jumped into my car and went to pick up my partner in crime – aka my sister-in-law Chy. We totally didn’t know how we should get to the festival. Last year, we got stuck waiting for the metro for what seemed like hours after the end of the show. We decided we’d drive this time around. So we cruised to the city, over the Jacques Cartier bridge and onto Ile Ste-Helene and Parc Jean Drapeau. It took us two seconds to get in (they checked our bags but there was no lineup – haha metro suckers; their line was long).

First thing we saw was a H&M tent. There wasn’t much of a lineup so we decided to check it out, seeing as it was only around noon and the music didn’t start for another hour. We wondered what was in there as the security guards let in a few people at a time. Then it was our turn. And we were glad to see it was a little chill out and color area. H&M employees handed us bandanas, (for free yah!), and we spent a little time colouring. We didn’t finish our bandanas, but it was a nice little souvenir.


Osheaga swag.

Then it was time for the music. I really wanted to see The Damn Truth, a rocking Montreal band, so we headed to that set. We got pretty close, second row. A woman handed us incense and a matchbook with the band’s logo on it. The band came on, we lit the incense and rocked for about half an hour. They were amazing.

After that, we decided to head to the main stages. July Talk came on just as we arrived. The Toronto band was pretty ace and we jammed to them in the back of the thick crowd. The sun was hot and the hoses came out. Sadly, the water didn’t reach us.

imageI wanted to see the Barr Brothers, but they were only coming on in about an hour. Way too long to wait in the sun, so we headed back to the valley area, stopping at a Global Citizen booth where we listened patiently to their mission, signed a petition urging the Canadian government to provide funds to help eradicate polio and then took some free pics in a photo booth. Free swag! Next, we went into the Osheaga Play area where we thought we would ride the swings. But the lineup was too long. We bailed on that and I bought a slush. We chilled in the forest on an artistic bench before moving to cement bleachers.

It was about this time the dude bros decided they couldn’t wait in the long porta potty lines and instead pissed in the bushes right in front of us. Much more gross for the two ladies eating beside us. At first it was one or two at a time. Then all of a sudden a whole group of them lined up like they were at a water trough, profusely apologizing but not really meaning it (grinning, sorry not sorry looks). It was time to move on. Logic came on soon after and we checked out the beginning of his set before we headed back to the main stage to see the Arcs.

Dan Auerbach’s side project was something I was looking forward to. The Arcs didn’t disappoint, rocking and grooving for nearly an hour. They are quite different from the Black Keys with a big band (two drum sets! mariachi band!) and I missed Patrick Carney but I felt good anyway.

It was time to eat. You can never go wrong with poutine. It was hellishly expensive ($9, really??), but I was expecting that. It was so worth it anyway. Then I went and bought a drumstick for $4.50 – OMG I could’ve bought a box of them for that price. But I needed my chocolate fix.

Re-fueled, we headed back to the valley area. For the evening, it was between Lana Del Ray or Future. I didn’t care one way or another so Chy decided Future was the way to go. We found a place to sit on the concrete bleachers – the Last Shadow Puppets, an Arctic Monkey member’s side project, played some weird alternative rock, but it wasn’t horrible and it felt good to sit up there and watch the sun set and feel the warm summer breeze on our dirty, dust-filled skin. Jazz Cartier, a Toronto rapper, came on next on the opposite stage. I sort of sat through that in a daze.



Finally, it was 9:50 and Future was set to hit the stage. Only he didn’t come on right away. DJ Khalid (or whoever it was, I didn’t quite hear the name) played some jams and the crowd seemed to grow larger by the minute. The last fireworks of the season at LaRonde began behind the stage, partially hidden behind trees. At last, Future erupted onto the stage and the crowd cheered. It was a great show, even though I knew none of the songs he sang/rapped. My sister-in-law had fun and assured me it was great.

Time to leave. We headed toward the entry we came in, but that was blocked. We headed to another possible exit, but the security guards there informed us we couldn’t pass through. One guy squeezed through anyway. We should’ve tried. The parking lot was right behind that fence. But the bastards wouldn’t budge. We had to head to the one exit near the metro entrance – with all the other people. I’m telling you, we were a herd of cows. Who’s idea was this? Needless to say, it got me raging and I couldn’t help feeling grumpy. It took us half an hour to get to my car. And then another hour just to get off the freaking island.

So maybe, the metro suckers weren’t suckers at all. Hard to say if we would’ve gotten home sooner if we took the metro, but either way, it is always a bitch to leave the festival. All in all though, I had a great time. It was probably my last time though. People were annoying me. I felt old. And I really can’t take the heat anymore.

We’ll see who headlines next year. I might change my mind.




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